The Way

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Happy Pills

My fear,
my uncontrolably fear.
It cries out to me as i reach for the door.
My fingers can't find a soothing note

I've been shreaded
my nerves are a tiger
not fed for a week,
feasting on my heart
ripping out the hope
and leaving the
stench of fear

If you hear me at night
with my screams
torching the quiet night air
the crickets i have murdered with this horrible fear

I can't take those happy pills,
i dont deserve to have that fakeness
that privledge.
Just let me suffer,
devour myself.

I don't succumb to the craving
that pulled me in night after night
sipping my trembled water
with a note of aplomb
i strive to survive,
i don't want to die
yet i kill myself constantly.

I need those happy pills.
but I can't have them.
My suffering is my refugee.
I want a home with my happy pills.
But if i take them.
I'll live in my dreams.
Become addicted to yet another thing.
Teal @ 9:09 PM

open your eyes,
and replinish your life
your out of control
and i can't stop you running

My eyes dried with tears
i understand you fears
i soak up your pain
Let me be your sponge.

Its like watching a mirror,
i can tell your next step
i'm like your tear
thats always running down your cheek.

Believe me i know,
i'm just as confused
i'm trying to be honest
I try not to steal
from others happiness
and i feel you're the same
all i want to do is help.

your not alone,
i'm right here
you can't always tell
but i'm crying underneath
i want you to be happy
i want you not to care
everyone should love you
your not all alone

i'm just as fucked up
don't run from me you see
i might act differently
but i'm completly
out of control
I can't see the blinding lights of reality
all i can see is your pain
i want to solve your problems
i want you to be happy

if you let me,
i wont hide from you
actually i will,
but i might leave a trail
of hints
if you pick up on them
we can be best of friends
and no longer
will we just be addiction buddys
but true friends.

Teal @ 8:51 PM

about

These are my poems. Written in my happiest and darkest hour. Wow that was corny. (tealytoo@yahoo.com)